Poems

Dream or nightmare?

A dream ricocheting along the subconscious
A recurring eventuality in the past
An unfulfilled expectation
A built up lacking conclusion
An entangled memory of confused sentimentality
A missing resolution
A pervasive vexation

A silent pursuer
An eerie escape
A nightmare.

May be

May be I should go back a little, take a few steps back
May be it was better yesterday, yes yesterday it was
I may have crossed a line again, invisible they always are
I may have flipped the pages too quickly, in eagerness or urgency
I may have read the signs wrong, signs they were to me

Where am I now,.. is now known to me?
How had we said it,.. did we intend it to be?
What will become of this,.. would this be eternity?

Redundant poetry

Holding the pen at two in the morning
Thoughts convolute at the fag end of the mind
Dots refuse to join
Fingers quiver in weary exhaustion
Eyes wander in desperate amazement
Blank sheets
Redundant poetry

And the same realization
Given it all
Too early
Already.

Is it something?

Something is broken
That nerve damaged perhaps
That verve forgotten
Something eludes me
Something very significant.

It returns in phases, I can see
It can see me
I can’t keep it
Or does it prefer to flee..

Everything is turning hazy
It is growing inside me
This persistent vacillation
And unmistakable circumvention.

I am not sure what I have lost
It is something nevertheless
Only if I knew
But could I..

I feel drained.

as I choose to see it

The wallpapers turn stale
The texture had devoured your fragrance…

The books grow soggy
The pages had felt your breath…

The windows scream
The panes had seen you leaving…

as I live by what you had said
as I forget what I had been
as I choose to see it
as I stay put
as I exist.

Parenthesis

Pent up emotions
A whirlwind of expectations
The vacuum of anticipation
Surrogate designation
Embryonic something
Lost the desire to be born
Looking for peace,
Round and around.
The end of another year
Faces to be replaced
(Stay detached, they say,
They are not to stay)

Lessons learnt,
and yet
No lessons learnt
The hope of future and the future of hope
Entwined with the cavitised memories
The same window
The same smile..

Father

I saw him in another man much older than he had seemed when I saw him last
My eyes went back to his face repeatedly
Why did he look familiar?
Would he have aged in the same way?

Texture of his skin was much smoother, sagging had just begun, hair not all white
He left years ago
Too young to go, people said.

I was younger brazen angrier limited
I don’t know what I am now
I am not sure if I miss him
Never loved him really
There are video clips in my head and a few stills too

I have met people who adore their fathers and are loved back.
I don’t know if he loved me
I have no evidence no memory.