Author: priyankasinghal.com

Only if it were a happy world..

Habitual of beginning all her write-ups with a conditional clause, almost obsessively every time, Sia sat holding her laptop in her lap (no pun implied),wrote ‘Only if it were a happy world..’ ,almost blank, desperately looking at the ceiling, the occasional glances aimed at the much needed inspiration.

The pattern had become almost a month old now. Why could she not pen down those feelings as effortlessly and instinctively as earlier?

Writer’s block, she wondered.

But wait! Was she even a writer? All those rantings were cries and sighs of a disillusioned and fractured state of mind, conceived almost in a furious typing of words by quivering fingers. She does not even remember them.

And then it dawned on her. She does not remember her own works. Has she abandoned them?

No. The works had abandoned her rather. She cannot abandon them because they never belonged to her in the first place. They belonged to their unique individual moments.

She turned off the laptop, amazed at her absolute inability to write combined with the unique nature of this new crazy thought. Should she pen it down?

She smiled at herself.

Writing would die surely,

Only if it were a happy world.

Why?!

With?
A debris of emotions
And wreckage of thoughts
A rubble of incidents
And dregs of pasts

Which?
Refuse to fragment
Continue to rot
Accumulate to pile on

For?
Forsaken feelings
Deserted dreams
Abandoned ambitions
Disowned destinations

Why?!

Dream or nightmare?

A dream ricocheting along the subconscious
A recurring eventuality in the past
An unfulfilled expectation
A built up lacking conclusion
An entangled memory of confused sentimentality
A missing resolution
A pervasive vexation

A silent pursuer
An eerie escape
A nightmare.

May be

May be I should go back a little, take a few steps back
May be it was better yesterday, yes yesterday it was
I may have crossed a line again, invisible they always are
I may have flipped the pages too quickly, in eagerness or urgency
I may have read the signs wrong, signs they were to me

Where am I now,.. is now known to me?
How had we said it,.. did we intend it to be?
What will become of this,.. would this be eternity?

Redundant poetry

Holding the pen at two in the morning
Thoughts convolute at the fag end of the mind
Dots refuse to join
Fingers quiver in weary exhaustion
Eyes wander in desperate amazement
Blank sheets
Redundant poetry

And the same realization
Given it all
Too early
Already.

Between Tisya and Me (2)

I: Hi Tisya !

Tisya : There’s a bad news bua..

I: Oh! What happened?

Tisya : You know! Earlier.. I mean, many many years ago gurgaon was a jungle.. no, half jungle and animals used to live here but now people are cutting houses and making buildings..

I: Cutting houses?

Tisya : O.. no no! I mean.. people are cutting trees and building houses and the animals are losing their habitat..

I: Ohh.. yes tisya, I know about that. It is sad. But wow! You know what habitat means.. What does it mean Tisya?

Tisya : It means a place where animals can breathe and live.

I: Yes yes.. good. So what is happening to their habitat now?

Tisya: They are losing their habitat and so the animals come in peoples’ homes. There is a girl in my class who was telling this. Animals like cheetah come in peoples’ homes and growl and open the fridge and eat because they don’t have a habitat and they are hungry.

I: What? No Tisya a cheetah can not open the fridge and is not interested in bread butter jam. Cheetah is a carnivorous animal.

Tisya: Yes.. carnivorous. But a monkey can! And cheetah..umm.. they still growl.. and I think they can open the fridge as well…
You know there is one boy in my class.. (something) Ganguly.. one time, when his mamu came to his place there came an animal in his house and the animal jumped and jumped on (something) Ganguly’s mamu!!

I: Ooo

Tisya: O.. mumma is saying that I should change and go to the washroom first and talk with you later..

I: Okay.. whenever you are free u may ask mumma to let you call me and speak..

Tisya: Okay bua .. bye bua..

I: Love you Tisya .

(And… She did call back ❤)

Between Tisya and Me (1)

I: Hello

Tisya: Hello buaaaaa.. What happened bua?

I: I am not well Tisya

Tisya: Why are u not well?

I : It is the weather Tisya

Tisya: Ummmmm.. what is weather?

I : The days are too hot Tisya.. my throat is not fine..

Tisya: Do u mean there is a lot of smoke?

I: No Tisya.. i mean it is summers.

Tisya: Oo oo.. yes yes. Hot. Bua i vomitted today.

I: Ohh.. u did! What happened?

Tisya: Because it is too hot. Weather hot bua. Yellow yellow vomit came out.

I: (smiling) Why dont u go take rest?

Tisya: What?

I : Why don’t u sleep for sometime?

Tisya: But i already lied down bua. I lied down in the morning. I am fine now. Totally fine. I do not want to lie down.

I: Okay.. what will u do now?

Tisya : I will have fun. It is evening.

(Thinks)

Bua do you know if we concentrate on our work ( by which she meant worksheets) then power comes to us. And bua do you know what power is? Do you know lord krishna? He is a god bua who lives in the sky and power comes out of his hands. If we concentrate then human beings like Tisya can also become powerful.

I : Wow Tisya.. that is so true. Who taught you that?

Tisya: Kungfu Panda… yayyyyy… kungfu pandaaaaa…eeeee.. eee.. (extremely happy) I watched kungfu panda. It was there.

I : (joining in) yayyyy.. eee.. i love Kungfu panda too Tisya.

Tisya: Yesss. And jungle book. Have you seen jungle book?

I : Yes yes I have. ( I haven’t seen the movie though but I knew would be able to talk about it nevertheless)

Tisya: There is a tiger and he dies. In fire. Because lions n tigers cannot climb trees and he climbed n he fell bua.

I: Yes Tisya.. He did because he was not intelligent. Kungfu panda n Mowgli are intelligent.

Tisya : Yes bua. Ok bye bua. Park..?! Park!! Mmmuah mmuaah.. Bbye bua.

I: Love you Tisya.

Tisya : Love you buaa.

Is it something?

Something is broken
That nerve damaged perhaps
That verve forgotten
Something eludes me
Something very significant.

It returns in phases, I can see
It can see me
I can’t keep it
Or does it prefer to flee..

Everything is turning hazy
It is growing inside me
This persistent vacillation
And unmistakable circumvention.

I am not sure what I have lost
It is something nevertheless
Only if I knew
But could I..

I feel drained.