Dedicated

To the one who brought me into this world
And told me that pain was life but endurance strength.
To the one whose fractured stories became a coherent narrative
And made a child’s world meaningful.
To the one who grew with me
And induced in me a fighting spirit.
To the childhood friend who listened and listened
Adding colour to my dreams and fantasies.
To the one whose presence lifted the darkness
And made me see beyond perceptions and notions.
To the one whose eyes are a discourse
Narrating her story and mine too.
To all faces of childhood innocence adding vigour to my life
To all mentors leading and inspiring unconventional lives
To all writers who fearlessly wrote under pseudonyms
To the woman feeding her child on street
To the working mother’s daily toil
And
To the one who taught me tears are pearls
And whose dreams keep me alive.

Zami.

She…

She…

Looks at my tears
Listens to my incoherence
Never stirs
Is terrifyingly patient

Has seen me grow over the years
Waking sleeping fighting laughing writing curling undressing
Without flinching
Is unbelievably uncouth

There are no boundaries
..lives with me
There are no responsibilities
..loves independence
We have individual spaces
..respects differences

I see her peeping from behind light beyond time
Day after day night after night
She is always there
I see her as i lift my head
I am no longer afraid of
Her uncomplaining presence

She is getting old now
Has her share of wrinkles
Might have her worries too
She never tells
Never expects
Doesn’t socialise

She…
the lizard on my wall.

The Sigh

Unheard mutterings
Wishful longings

Looking for a word
Are words understood?
Is meaning relevant?

Besmeared soot
Could anyone notice?

Questions within questions
Truth?
Relative
Gaze?
Tired

Of looking
Of observing
Of assimilating
Of consuming
Of absorbing

Absorption
Myopia
Voicelessness

Colour?
Irrelevant.

These eyes

Have witnessed
Have processed

Have projected
Have persisted

Have expected
Have failed

Have endured
Have hoped

Have negated
Have accepted

Have connected
Have detested

Have lost
Have lived

Have seen
Have been

And they ask, why dark circles..

Insignificance Signified

Stories of silence
Silence in stories

              Story within story

My story
Your story

Crossroads

              O B F U S C A T I O N S

Dilemmas
Stalemate
Voicelessness

O
B
L
I
T
E                          Silence
R
A
T
I
O
N

Counter narratives

#erised

‘Tis distance that was feared
Why intuition did not work at all
What had to be avoided caught on

‘Tis desire that has smeared
Why it escapes boundaries
… does not fit definitions
Why these reverberations n reflections
… do not fear repercussions

‘Tis dependence that has possessed
Why desperation never leaves
… but wasn’t intended
Why words could be offered
… but weren’t required
Why explanations are sought
… but weren’t enough

Why words can do what nothing can
Why eyes can do what words can’t

There is
Silence in scolding
Elation in deciphering

Calm in anticipation
Ellipses in expression

Perturbation in criticism
Letting go in explanation

Collusion in deliberation
Affection in negotiation

Clarity in amazement
Affectation in detachment

And yet speechlessness prevails…
And yet… desire.

She would.

Her reveries
Her dilemmas
Her forebodings
Her articulations
Her imaginations
Her conjectures
Her conclusions

Seek answers
Seek explanations
Seek support
Seek adherence

Take me into the past
Urge me to reanalyze
Force me to relive
Ask me to realise
Rekindle what is lost

Would my experiences provide solutions..
Would i ever be enough..
How far and for how long..

She would move on..
I know.
Eventually… she. would. learn.